[I think I've narrowed it down to a 2016+ sel or titanium..]

I think titanium with 2.0eco, FWD will be good choose. Because SEL haven't Sony speakers,subwoofer, and back wonderful stop-signal..

[No heat on drivers side]

See seats please. 

[2016 Edge Sync-(it doesn't)]

May be you have sync2.. Or not last firmware,which work with problem..

[Global Window Close]

See please this url

You need forscan and els27. 

https://www.drive2.ru/l/486860176440164448/

Also you can change some another functions

[1990 Escort GT diesel?!]

Great car:)

 

[Where are the speakers located and how many watts total]

50watts in every door and little speaker about 5-10watts also there. Plus 350watts subwoofer, 10watt in the back of car and one speaker in front panel, don't know how much watts..