The Parable of the Lincoln "Marriage Proposal"

[rogerrobin]

The Parable of the Lincoln "Marriage Proposal"

 

Imagine, if you will, that a suitor name McKenZie has approached you with a proposal of marriage. The suitor has spared no expense (slick brochures and ads) to arouse your interest and after carefully considering other offers, you accept McKenZie's "proposal of marriage" in July of 2012.

 

When you ask when the marriage will take place, you are initially told "late fall," but when you tell your beloved that you want the best caterer in town ("multi-contour Active Motion seats") you are told the wedding will need to be postponed until December as the caterer is not available until then. You're very much in love with this tech-savvy lover with a gorgeous body, so you say "fine." You tell yourself it will be worth the wait to have the wedding of your dreams and you sell a lot of stock, even though the market is down a bit, so you'll have the necessary cash for the honeymoon.

 

But December comes and goes and still no marriage. (Your CPA tells you that by selling all that stock you incurred a totally unnecessary tax liability, but you try to remain optimistic.) Your fiancée never calls, but you finally make contact. "Right after the first of the year," you're told, but January comes and goes as does February. Still no firm date for the day of the marriage. You begin to wonder if McKenZie's intentions are honorable. And still, you are the only one who initiates any communication.

 

Then, along about the first of March, in response to your persistent queries, your lover finally informs you that the chosen caterer can't tell you when she'll be available and that the marriage will therefore have to be postponed indefinitely. Your suspicions are now fully aroused and you begin to ask around, only to discover that without so much as consulting you, your fiancée has actually cancelled the contract with the caterer (i.e., one can no longer even order the multi-contour seats as an option on the Lincoln website for 2013!) In fact, it looks as if the wedding won't take place until sometime in 2014. If at all.

 

To add insult to injury, a week after losing the caterer McKenZie informs you that your chosen reception hall has gone out of business (the local Ford dealer lost his Lincoln franchise) and you'll now need to completely renegotiate the terms of the wedding with another reception hall, 85 miles to the north of you!

 

By now you are furious. You realize your intended has lied to you repeatedly. Obviously there are some real commitment issues in play with McKenZie and you are feeling very jilted. The market is up sharply and you wish you'd never sold that stock. You're still in love--even if you no longer very much like your suitor!--so a part of you wants to hang on, desperately hoping that this marriage really will happen. But you are also beginning to have "buyer's remorse" for having accepted the marriage offer in the first place as you think about all those other suitors out there (e.g. Lexus) with whom you could have already been happily married. Your best friend suggests hiring a lawyer and "suing the cheating bastard" for breach of contract, but that's just not your style so you decide to settle for a lesser wedding, with a rather mediocre caterer. Still, there is a part of you that wonders if this marriage will EVER take place, especially since your fiancée is still either unable or unwilling to give you a firm date! You decide to get your mind off the entire matter by reading Bill O'Reilly's best-seller, Killing Lincoln. There is something in the title that seems strangely satisfying as you sit by the phone, waiting for McKenZie to call.

[twintornados]

<ring---ring---ring---ring> Pick up the telephone stu....the reception hall is calling you, McKenZie is waiting on you...with a lot of her twin sisters, ironically all called McKenZie...

[Ormond]

An older sister, McKenSie, is wanting to marry. She's not too picky and her parents are anxious to have her out of the house as she's getting a little long in the tooth. The caterer is available for the wedding!

 

Won't you take her out for a date? She's almost as smart as her sister and I just know she'd be loyal. She's got more room for your junk in her trunk. Your friends may not be envious, but I'll bet you'd be a happy man.