ZanatWork Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 (edited) A memo to Mr. Alan Mullaly Mr. Fields, and of course, Mr. Ford I beseech you to correct an error You can no longer afford. The once-proud division Mercury Once a source of competitor's fears Has seemingly been run by chimps For nigh unto 30 years. The buyers have grown weary Of buying barely-altered Fords Even the recent Marauder Couldn't outrun some V6 Accords. The most recent Cougar was handsome But lost to some beancounter hound And a new Mustang-based Cougar? Sadly, nowhere to be found. The Milan's a Fusion with a nose job The Mariner an Escape in drag The Mountaineer's a bechromed Explorer The Grand Marquis' old bones still sag. You've got the hot spokeswoman Over whom many car guys will drool But for her to save the division, She'll need some better tools. More motor for the Milan! The Mariner with 2 more speeds! A Cougar spawned from the Mustang! THAT'S what Mercury needs! A C1 convertible-coupe, Hybridized Mountaineers for all! And rounding out the lineup Is an S-Max to carry it all! I know it's easy to nitpick So easy, it's almost perverse But please let me run Mercury It's not like I could do worse. Edited June 8, 2007 by ZanatWork Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morgande Posted June 7, 2007 Share Posted June 7, 2007 Ha. funny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlackHorse Posted June 7, 2007 Share Posted June 7, 2007 I know it's easy to nitpickSo easy, it's almost perverse But please let me run Mercury It's not like I could do worse. Can you imagine the board meetings at Mercury with the Pied Piper here in charge? lol Pretty good stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZanatWork Posted June 7, 2007 Author Share Posted June 7, 2007 Quote from the first meeting: "Everyone in product management is FIRED" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meelaan Posted June 7, 2007 Share Posted June 7, 2007 BRILLIANT!!! :happy feet: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1999 White C5 Coupe Posted June 7, 2007 Share Posted June 7, 2007 You're the man for Mercury? After watching their commercials, I thought Mercury was being marketed for women only...................... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deanh Posted June 7, 2007 Share Posted June 7, 2007 (edited) You're the man for Mercury? After watching their commercials, I thought Mercury was being marketed for women only...................... He could be the man...they LOVE poetry...... Edited June 7, 2007 by Deanh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZanatWork Posted June 8, 2007 Author Share Posted June 8, 2007 Mercury is partially marketed at women...but it's also supposed to be a brand for the "hipper than thou" 20-somethings that are addicted to Jettas and entry-level Acuras. This is doable, it's even a good market to go after...BUT MERCURY NEEDS THE TOOLS FOR THE JOB. Jill Wagner gets a lifetime contract...but more cross-development of Euro Ford stuff would be mandatory. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deanh Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 Mercury is partially marketed at women...but it's also supposed to be a brand for the "hipper than thou" 20-somethings that are addicted to Jettas and entry-level Acuras. This is doable, it's even a good market to go after...BUT MERCURY NEEDS THE TOOLS FOR THE JOB. Jill Wagner gets a lifetime contract...but more cross-development of Euro Ford stuff would be mandatory. "hipper than thou 20-somethings addicted to Jettas and entry level Acuras" ARE women ZAN. Next time you are at the lights and one pulls up next to you....10 to one they have boobs and a cell phone.....your call on the sex...I'm referring to So Cal...ahem! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZanatWork Posted June 8, 2007 Author Share Posted June 8, 2007 Heh...strong argument, but some of those are spawn of the same yuppies we failed to destroy in the 80's. Some of them are technically male, though of a sort that would cry like Parid returning to jail if a drop of oil were to stain a shirt cuff. In any case, they, like their parents, have more money than sense and thus are desirable...if only for fleecing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deanh Posted June 8, 2007 Share Posted June 8, 2007 Heh...strong argument, but some of those are spawn of the same yuppies we failed to destroy in the 80's. Some of them are technically male, though of a sort that would cry like Parid returning to jail if a drop of oil were to stain a shirt cuff. In any case, they, like their parents, have more money than sense and thus are desirable...if only for fleecing. technically male sans surgery, the cuff is monogrammed, the money is stored in a Louis Vuitton handbag in the form of a swipable plastic "thingy" that has no limits witout a yearly service charge due to dadies plan...oooops gotta go...incoming text message..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guesswhoscomingtodinner Posted June 9, 2007 Share Posted June 9, 2007 Heh...strong argument, but some of those are spawn of the same yuppies we failed to destroy in the 80's.... You are scary. Why do you wish to destroy Young Professionals? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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