long donkey Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 I had a little time to kill before the convention and I knew how i would spend my time. Up at the crack of dawn. Wait in line, and get a nametag that I happily affix to my dress blues. I want to look good, Had to trade in coveralls for a week to get a pair that aren’t ripped and torn, hell these are even dark still, like they only been worn a few hundred times. I even risked violating the rules and brought them home. Washed out the smell of the previous tasks and men who wore this marvel of utilitarian covering that my wife also loving scented with fabric softener and pressed crisp creases in the legs and arms. I didn't know if these things are rigged but the marine always gets called down, so it can't hurt. I hear my name called. No way , cannot be. I look around all my buddies from work are there looking at me. Everybody looks excited. Some look oddly concerned as though they feel sorry for me. Some seem to be happy just to see me go sit somewhere besides with them. Right on, I run down and take my place for the bidding. I glance at my competition. At least I made it this far. The next Item up for bidding was... a box of Choctaw gloves. Made of woven cotton, by hand craftsmen. Poor bastards. I knew this product, none of the other contestants knew of the quality of these holy gloves. Their magical power to find and retain slivers of metal, align them perpendicular to you tender nerve filled fingertips and the penetrate you. Everyone overbids, that would explain the way the company hordes them, I bid a dollar. It didn't seem important to mention but for some reason Drew was not able to do the show and they had somehow gotten Ron Gettlefinger to be the guest host, guess he was in for the convention too. Next thing I know I'm up on stage hugging Ron like some.., Jesus did I just hug Ron. "easy shop rat" Ron tells me quietly, away from the microphone. I almost get mad but remember I did write that on my nametag. Then some vixen pulls back a screen to reveal a new car. The best you could hope for in the first round. " A testament to American sweat, blah blah assembled proudly in America ...."the announcer is saying. I couldn't even hear him. All I realized was they were going to give me a fucking Honda. I Think Ron could see I was hot. Once again he offered quiet advice " don't worry". Somehow I'll fumble my way thru this ridiculous game much like my life so far. Lucky for me all I have to do is choose the cheaper product of two choices. Grey wolf over Kodiak, Miller over Heineken, Hy-Vee soda over Coke. I guess I had had some practice recently. Wow, there is the wheel. I know the drill, reach up and pull. The boos amaze me when the wheel fails to go around completely. Once again, I come up short. I make the best of the next spin. I end up with 75 and to my surprise my 75 gets me to the showdown. I have no problem with not getting the first showcase, either way I'm a winner. They lead me to the podium and I find it crowded with international reps and some members of the region and even a couple of local guys. Every one assures me they are here to get me thru this. I think to myself that it can get no weirder. As I look to my left and around a few of my guys I get my first glance at the other guy. Amazingly he appears to be a shop rat also. I know this because he is wearing a pair of Chrysler and a pair of GM coveralls draped over his sick and grotesquely disfigured body. At this point the fact the poor bastard has two heads doesn’t bother me, I feel sorry for him because he has twice as many reps trying to help him. Believe it or not, I’m sitting there hoping this Quasimodo fucker is some desperate dayshift family fuck. Since he has the first showcase, maybe he'll be so worried about telling his wife and kids that he let his emotions get the better of him he’ll bid on the first showcase, instead of waiting for the second offer. Its probably some 5 piece bedroom suit, wall to wall carpet for three rooms, and a grandfather clock. Somewhere in my daze Quasimodo’s negotiators past the showcase on to me. Here I was dreaming about jet skis and Hawaii vacations, you know second showcase stuff, when I should have been paying attention. I guess working the line has taught me how to drift off. Thank god my negotiating team is here. I try to make up for lost time and begin figuring how much my job is worth. Shit what where the other things in his showcase, retiree security, product commitments, how many weeks of sub pay do I need? What is that knocking noise? Daddy who? Wake up, what? My boy is on my chest, " mommy says you need to get up now". I stumble into the living room. "Thought you might want to get up and spend some time with us before work." says my wife. I remind her that I am laid off. "well sit down and watch some TV with us." She says. “The price is right is about to come on." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thezip Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 :happy feet: Out$#@$$%&Standing! Best damn post i have read so far!I can almost see you scarfing down some Dali to shit out some Gonzo!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hobbitt Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Maybe we should wait until Bob gets back.........maybe it will be better then. Sorry I let my "emotions" get in the way there didn't I ?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bored of Pisteon Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MichiganTruck_Mafia Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Back-Glass-Ass Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 tl,dr Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain723 Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 I had a little time to kill before the convention and I knew how i would spend my time. Up at the crack of dawn. Wait in line, and get a nametag that I happily affix to my dress blues. I want to look good, Had to trade in coveralls for a week to get a pair that aren’t ripped and torn, hell these are even dark still, like they only been worn a few hundred times. I even risked violating the rules and brought them home. Washed out the smell of the previous tasks and men who wore this marvel of utilitarian covering that my wife also loving scented with fabric softener and pressed crisp creases in the legs and arms. I didn't know if these things are rigged but the marine always gets called down, so it can't hurt. I hear my name called. No way , cannot be. I look around all my buddies from work are there looking at me. Everybody looks excited. Some look oddly concerned as though they feel sorry for me. Some seem to be happy just to see me go sit somewhere besides with them. Right on, I run down and take my place for the bidding. I glance at my competition. At least I made it this far. The next Item up for bidding was... a box of Choctaw gloves. Made of woven cotton, by hand craftsmen. Poor bastards. I knew this product, none of the other contestants knew of the quality of these holy gloves. Their magical power to find and retain slivers of metal, align them perpendicular to you tender nerve filled fingertips and the penetrate you. Everyone overbids, that would explain the way the company hordes them, I bid a dollar. It didn't seem important to mention but for some reason Drew was not able to do the show and they had somehow gotten Ron Gettlefinger to be the guest host, guess he was in for the convention too. Next thing I know I'm up on stage hugging Ron like some.., Jesus did I just hug Ron. "easy shop rat" Ron tells me quietly, away from the microphone. I almost get mad but remember I did write that on my nametag. Then some vixen pulls back a screen to reveal a new car. The best you could hope for in the first round. " A testament to American sweat, blah blah assembled proudly in America ...."the announcer is saying. I couldn't even hear him. All I realized was they were going to give me a fucking Honda. I Think Ron could see I was hot. Once again he offered quiet advice " don't worry". Somehow I'll fumble my way thru this ridiculous game much like my life so far. Lucky for me all I have to do is choose the cheaper product of two choices. Grey wolf over Kodiak, Miller over Heineken, Hy-Vee soda over Coke. I guess I had had some practice recently. Wow, there is the wheel. I know the drill, reach up and pull. The boos amaze me when the wheel fails to go around completely. Once again, I come up short. I make the best of the next spin. I end up with 75 and to my surprise my 75 gets me to the showdown. I have no problem with not getting the first showcase, either way I'm a winner. They lead me to the podium and I find it crowded with international reps and some members of the region and even a couple of local guys. Every one assures me they are here to get me thru this. I think to myself that it can get no weirder. As I look to my left and around a few of my guys I get my first glance at the other guy. Amazingly he appears to be a shop rat also. I know this because he is wearing a pair of Chrysler and a pair of GM coveralls draped over his sick and grotesquely disfigured body. At this point the fact the poor bastard has two heads doesn’t bother me, I feel sorry for him because he has twice as many reps trying to help him. Believe it or not, I’m sitting there hoping this Quasimodo fucker is some desperate dayshift family fuck. Since he has the first showcase, maybe he'll be so worried about telling his wife and kids that he let his emotions get the better of him he’ll bid on the first showcase, instead of waiting for the second offer. Its probably some 5 piece bedroom suit, wall to wall carpet for three rooms, and a grandfather clock. Somewhere in my daze Quasimodo’s negotiators past the showcase on to me. Here I was dreaming about jet skis and Hawaii vacations, you know second showcase stuff, when I should have been paying attention. I guess working the line has taught me how to drift off. Thank god my negotiating team is here. I try to make up for lost time and begin figuring how much my job is worth. Shit what where the other things in his showcase, retiree security, product commitments, how many weeks of sub pay do I need? What is that knocking noise? Daddy who? Wake up, what? My boy is on my chest, " mommy says you need to get up now". I stumble into the living room. "Thought you might want to get up and spend some time with us before work." says my wife. I remind her that I am laid off. "well sit down and watch some TV with us." She says. “The price is right is about to come on." hang in there bro! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hobbitt Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 When do I bid on the new Tattooed Barbie......and I still am going to hold out until they throw in a Pink Pony in the Buyout packages !!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Furious1Auto Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 When do I bid on the new Tattooed Barbie......and I still am going to hold out until they throw in a Pink Pony in the Buyout packages !!!!!!! You can have the pony, but I don't believe the Mustang is offered in pink LOL! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hobbitt Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 You can have the pony, but I don't believe the Mustang is offered in pink LOL! I already own a Mustang....if I get a pony, can I still bid on the Tattoo Barbie?? :happy feet: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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